That Done It

O.K., so I bitched about the micromanaging dude a few weeks ago. Sue me if you must, don't read on if'n you don't like the subject, but here we go again...

That's right, friends and neighbors, he pissed me off again, and I am going to color you surprised by that fact. In jest.

Here's the deal: After ten years self-employed in Cleburne, three years of tech support hell and a couple of years working as a trim carpenter in the human shithole of Dallas, working for the best people in the world in Ft. Worth was an absolute revelation. No shit y'all, it took me a full year to adjust. I cannot stress enough how different things are, mainly the human relationships. And aren't relationships with other people the cause of about one hundred percent of job-related stress, or hell any stress for that matter?

Speaking of stress, I cannot stress enough how good the people I work for are, from my employers to the homeowners to the guys I work with every day. I am literally in carpenter's nirvana. I could give you dozens of examples but I will limit it to two.

Example one: My bosses say "Thank you" on a regular basis.

Let that one sink in.

The people I work for, that sign my checks and tell me what to do, often say "Thanks, David" when I have simply done what I am paid to do. That happen at your workplace? Happens to me every single time I give one of my bosses an update over the phone.

It's a Fort Worth deal. People are just nice there. Fuck Dallas. (Had to sneak that in. It's a Fort Worth thang.) In fact, the big boss actually apologized to me for sending me to Dallas one day. His exact words were "David, I'm sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to go to Dallas for us. Make sure and keep track of your mileage."

The upshot of the above rambling is this: If you are considering a Texas visit, bypass Big D all together and get a real sense of what Texas is all about by visiting Fort Worth. I can take you to some "hole in the wall" joints if need be. Fort Worth is Texas Friendly, Dallas is asshole yuppies.

But I was going to bitch, wasn't I?

Fine. I will.

I came this close to going on down the road on Monday. Quitting my dream job and going to work for someone else.

The micromanaging dude called a meeting. He managed to piss off the entire crew. Started it off by saying "My Pastor has a saying, I'm going to tell you some things, and if they apply to you, take them to heart and if they don't..."

Me, interrupting in a fairly loud voice: "OH, so now you're going to give us a sermon?"

"Yeah, I'm going to give you a sermon."

I resisted my initial instinct to just walk away. I try to keep my anger under control. I wish I had walked away.

If you should go skating
On the thin ice of my life
Dragging behind you the silent reproach
Of a million tear stained eyes
Don't be surprised when a crack in the ice
Appears under your feet

He lectured us about wasting time, or as he put it, "I seem to see people standing around with their hands on their hips." (Never mind that I have my hands on my hips when I am thinking about the next step in a complicated carpentry project) Told us to act like sub-contractors, we were running out of money on this house. Blah blah blah. Funny, I thought the homeowner was about to offer to suck our dicks over the work we had done (Gawd she was so happy over the back porch) and now he pulls this shit?!?

He fucked up. Big time. All he did was give us a bunch of soundbites to use against him. I told the guys that I never understood mutinies in those old sailing movies but maybe we could tie his fat ass to a beam with an extension cord.

Of course, we heard through a third party that he was complaining to the big boss that we "weren't getting anything done" or somesuch. He threw us under the bus. Way to go, dickhead!

Look, I'm a nice guy. But please, don't fuck with me, don't bore me, and don't insult me. And for goddamned sure don't give me a fucking "sermon" and tell all of my guys to "Take what applies" like you are talking about sin. Looky here, motherfucker, if you have something to say to me, if you have something to say to my brother or my nephew or any of my buddies, you better fucking grow a pair and tell us individually. Tell me if you have a problem with my work, face to face. Don't hide behind a group meeting. I figure the rest of the guys feel the same way. If you got something to say to me, you got to say it right out loud. To me.

In that vein, I almost hesitated to go with the "sermon" retort when he called the meeting. I figure if I expect him to treat me like a man I should do the same. I didn't want to show the dude up.

I would respect the man for his skills. He is twice the carpenter I am. Hell, he should be after thirty years experience. But I can't get past the weasel factor. So, sad to say, I have no respect for the man.

I tried, I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It turns out, once again, that my first impression was right. Why don't I listen to my instincts? Because I'm a nice guy that has fucked up plenty, that's why.

I could go all Hannibal Lecter on the guy. You remember the part in the movie where he talked the dude into suicide? A good friend used to say that reminded him of me. I could do that to this jerk. He is a big time Christian, even goes on missionary work to South America. I have forgotten more about the bible and such than this prick even knows. I know more about him than he knows about himself. I could talk his ass into knots and have him questioning his own salvation in five minutes.

But I won't because I'm a nice guy. I'm also an asshole, and I hope to have the opportunity to show the dickhead up in another "meeting" because frankly I will say what everyone thinks but is hesitant to voice.

Hey, shit fer brains, if we wanted to be talked to like Wal Mart Associates, we'd go to work for Wal Mart, wouldn't we? Don't think for a nanosecond that I won't say it. Maybe with a different wording...

I'm thinking that Reservoir Dogs is on the viewing agenda. "I've changed my mind. Shoot that piece of shit."